here i am again

feeling baffled

on a good note

i just turned 19

woot

i need a damn car

but everything is in line

as long i strive to put God first everyday

which is a struggle

cuz i seem to put my emotions first sometimes

well

idk

im confused

i never have beef with ppl

but my roomate wanna tell me some shit that she been holdn in stuff from me

so i cant wait to hear that

the other ones.. eh

i would honestly choose to live with other ppl

they click up

never again

anyway, i wont let that get to me

I'll buy my own shit

oon that note i need a car

that would make things soo much better

alot better

yeah, WAY better

i dunno... im in LA right now

and i feel like theres nuthin out here for me

like

its so sus

honestly.

i feel like i jus wanna start over

and meet a bunch of true, genuine people

like i really want my fam to move

but times are hard

been hard

ahh

i need to keep busy

but then i still love my down times sometime

u knw

we could all use that peace

keep praying.

Encourage each other to be fierce

Fierce in whatever you want in life

Fierce in believing in yourself

Fierce in finding God

Fierce in LOVE.

HAHA..

WORD.

"Without the Bread of Life, your toast!"

Thanksgiving with the fam is just too great.. ahhaha I'm having sooo much fun. I LOVE these people.. even though they have their times where they get on my last nerves.. but hey.. thats FAM! <3

I am KURRENTLY at work at the Mandeville Annex Art Gallery on campus. It's mad boring here. anyways...

Shame on what's going on in Korea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW it's 2010

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40329269/ns/world_news-asiapacific/

On a more positive note: SOCC was an experience. From missing the opening ceremony to Art Collective not performing to kicking it with the homies to driving for 4 hours on the freeway for the first time. IT was MAD cold in Santa Barbara but we stood in Solidarity with their community to protest against Hate crimes against certain communities.

On a random note: I really like this one guy but I feel like I shouldn't. So that's hella interesting enough. SMH .............yeah let's leave that alone LOL

On a fat note: THANKSGIVING is in a couple days!! I can't wait to eat aff mi face. ahhah

Homegirl KB shall be rollin wit me.!

AHAHh that's about it right now.....................

Mood: cuddly

Art.Collective. I LOVE US.

Dear Blog,

Sorry I've been neglecting ya :)

I've been well....

I'm still here, still praying, still giving thanks

I appreciate all that has came to me and all that I put forth to give

At times it may seem frustrating for a lot of crap that happens, but it's all apart of the test.. so I'm not even gon trip too hard hahha..

I DEF dropped this Genetics Class.. Professor was mad WACK CUH! On friday I went to her to invite her to my program Hughes Scholars Program event and her ass gonna say if I'm not with media services then she can't really talk to me. MEAN. She did not have to put it that way... thats why I dropped ur class UGLY

Anyways, she made me mad

Tonight I went to a hookah bar :) It was fun. I was skeptical at first cuz I dont like smoke but this one didnt stink or taste bad.. I tried puffing these damn O's but it wasnt working.. i made ONE though.. I was proud of myself.. thanks to my coach GUILLE lol...

Anyways, today was a GOOD day overall. I had fun at the beach with the homies, then Chipotle was good (fuhhh im hungry right now again lol); then took a bomb nap.

Church IN A FEW HOURS!

later <3

It is the worst feeling to do something you have little to no heart in doing..

I dont know how I feel about soooo many things.

Just.Me.

This is my last week in Inglewood til I move back to San Diego

It's crazy how much faith I'm putting in God and my peace about this situation right now

I just know everything will work out for the better

This summer has been very productive.

I am quite proud of myself...hahha *pats self on back*

I was appointed as Campus Organizing Director

Nominated to the Campus Action Committee Chair on the UC Student Association Board

And I have discovered this new drive and passion for higher education

And the importance of it being affordable and accessible to all students

Education should not be a commodity

Because it is one of those things that once u have it, no one can take it from you.

I've grown alot personally this summer as well.

Getting over a heartbreak that apparently shouldn't have been a heartbreak?

HAH. Well.. i really thought I was over it..then this weekend I rly figured out that I am not.

Who knew 3 months could do so much damage.

Its not even the person but just how messed up the situation was/is.

I forgave..but it doesn't erase the past and how it affected me.

I wish I had an "I DON'T CARE" switch.

.....seriously

Ummmm people piss me off.

I feel like when I start school by energy is going to be refocused on other things

Which is a very good thing

I've gotten closer to a couple awesome people this summer

...and there are those who fell off.

.Life.

Some people are just for a season.

Others are for a lifetime.

I seem to get those that are just seasonal..and its forcing me to take a look at myself

But I seem to always get the blame

*kanye shrug*

Idk what to say or think about that.

God is awesome.. I got delivered this summer and He really revealed himself to me

Its a constant battle to stay true to God and obey Him

Especially in these days

This summer has also been one of spiritual growth for me

QUITE AWESOME!!!

...I am definitely destined for greatness

I can't wait for everything to unravel and see where life takes me

I am beyond blessed.

Ciao

It's so crazy thinking you are super close to someone.. and then they turn around act brand new in front of their friends.... this isn't the secret services..

You can't trust no one nowadays. And that honestly sucks. I'm trying to not trip act like I don't care.. but of course I do.. I'm blogging about it.

I just wish people would be genuinely sincere.

Mood: ANNOYED

LEGIT DAY OF ACTION.

UCLA. November 2009.

This shoes are tight =]

One of my fav colors 2!

Ooo I need a job! >:o

$130

Got lost at work today ahhahah that hospital too big and confusing

WOWW I have sooo many responsibilities to take care of this upcoming school year. It's all a GIANT blob to me right now....but thru faith, persistence, and determination I'll get it all done.

It's exciting:

Hughes Scholars Program Co-Chair

Campus Action Committee Chair

Campus Organizing Director Intern (ASUCSD)

UC Student Association Board of Directors

ART COLLECTIVE

Black Student Union

HARD ASS CLASSES

Lord, I pray in advance to cast away burn out :-)

STRONG

..Hmm..

I wished on a star last night

(((Rewind)))

What should I wish for?

Money?

Success?

Long life?

I stared at the star pondering...questioning...

Is it even worth it; Should I even bother? I mean...Chevy doesn't make wishes..ESPECIALLY on a star...

BUT it was something about that star...

Shining through the window...as if calling out to me...as if it wanted my attention

It stood there twinkling as if it winked at me....and I just had to smile

Why can't I see no other stars around it? Not one in sight....and it stood perfectly aligned with me

So I just had to make a wish...

(((Fast Forward)))

A wish to go to HEAVEN .

If I was to go to heaven, that means I would have lived a life of faith, goodness, kindness, happiness, forgiveness, love, and the list goes on.

If I was to go to heaven, that means I have lived my life the way I was destined to by my Creator.

So last night...I made a wish to go to heaven.

Oscar Grant

RIP homie....

How can a jury sentence someone of involuntary manslaughter for shooting another person dead who was in handcuffs? Where in that verdict is justified?

This is a mere reflection of the historical prejudice and injustice towards African Americans in America. ESPECIALLY involving actions from the police department...white police officers at that.

No, this not anything new. Does that mean its time to stop fighting and spreading knowledge and put more of our focus on the NBA?

I DO GET, however, that we all don't want to be angry and enraged by such racist events, because it is engraved and embedded, branded, in American history.

So why not pay attention to the good things? right? I somewhat agree with that perspective of things......BUT these issues of racial tensions are not dead, and MUST be addressed.

We have voices and I understand we can use them however we please to, but lend a hand to serving the greater community...

I guess some people will finally realize when it actually happens to THEM and when it's right in their faces.

Like a friend of mine said, we are capitalists...and don't care about things that do no directly affect us..which is evidently true. However, I learned that it's not just about me... If it wasn't for other people I wouldn't be where I am today.. so we all need to refrain from being self-centered and look at the greater cause.

i AM bits and pieces of the people I hang out with

(ps: there are a few more, jus didnt have pics with yall :/ )

Just me...without the bullshit. =]]

One thing i really learned is to not be stuck on BS and BS PEOPLE especially. Like it gets you NOWHERE. So I forgave.....but I definitely didn't forget. I still get bugged out..but I'll be okay.. I'mma keep growing. I know you a player and you wanna play hard...but in your playing you can never play God. SO yeahh imma keep being me. IDK bout you.

I AM STRONG.

this is kinda tight... found it on stumbleupon.

All this time...I was trying to put blame on myself...but FUCK THAT.

I see you for who u are: FAKE.

I cannot stomach ur presence; and I do not want to associate myself with you

All I asked was for you to keep it real with me, but I guess how can u do that when u can't even keep it real with yourself.

UR A TRIFLING MUTHAFUCK! YEAH IM MAD...

UR FAKE, U DISGUST ME

BUT U KNOW WHAT, I MIGHT FEEL LIKE HATING U RIGHT NOW, BUT I LOVE U...FUCK YOU THO.

FEMALE INTUITION

I dont know why I feel like its me that messed up

Cuz i know its not...

I know the run down of the whole situation but still I have these insecurities

...........of what

Get over it chev.

I feel as if I'm still lingering in this grey area......and I know its not mutual.

You aint worried about it, so why should I...

This is way too dragged out, and nobody is doing it but myself.

I'm glad I realized that......

So what to do?

SO much is easier said than done.

*sigh*

You..not talking to me is obviously not going to bring us anywhere

For some valid reason I am still attached
My feelings are still as strong as they were 2 months ago

But they are suppressed.. suffocated.. neglected

Move on chev.

But ur in my face.

Move on chev.

But i wanted this so bad.

Life happens.

I am not sure about what emotions I should have right now.

Like I'm good on most days

But there's those times I sit and think of what it was like.

Attached.

I didn't want this to happen, but it did.. so how do I let go, and let God.

End It.

The seeds of imperialistic judgment have us all rooted in deep issues

Issues beyond our control, beyond what's humane

End war all around the world

End injustices that keep us from progressing towards God

End all that is evil.. all that is unjust.. all that is.. lust

We lust for danger

We lust for power

We lust for institutional discrimination societal condemnation individual systemization

We become divided on what we shall ultimately fall on

WE become unveiled to the rotten insides that must be cleansed

Only by HIS blood

Bombs..dropping

Children.. dying

The innocent faces of the future my people we need our soldiers!

Our soldiers of tomorrow to carry our legacy to the ends of time

Our legacy

One of entwined complexities, unjust deaths you see, struggles of HUMANITY

Stand up as a people

Multi-ethnicities captivated by the commonality of justice for all people

My injustice is your injustice

My peace.. is your peace

Redirecting. . [...]

I cant even write.....................

Formulating ideas of what am I really worth and who I really am is not an easy thing to do

How do I go about doin ghtat

GOD

that seems to be the answer to everything

Its not that hard to find out

So why don't I just do it

I let stuff get to me way easily

I need to set boundaries and standards for myself to set a concrete ground to stand up

I am growing

I can't be wasting time on petty things that don't really matter

Well they seemm to matter to me at that point

But i just to keep in the back of my head the bigger picture at all times

REDIRECTION

redericting my focus on ME.

ME

Who am I

It hurts...

Its a part of life

Why can't we just have a gift box that says "Open when you are ready to find who you are"

At least he was right

So who am I to feel bad

Back away so I can become one with myself

Back away so I can manifest all that's in me

Personally I think it take situations and experiences to do that

And this just might be one of them

A wake up call

Get busy

LOOK for things to grow.

FIN.

.HOLD ON.

But what is there to hold on 2?

False hope?.

Patience, come to me.

Her throat tightens, refusing her to breathe .

Under pressure of identity conformation she instills her own creation;

Her own creation of who she is, and what she will not be .

How can she let go of what she thought valuable, when all she wants is to fight for it .

Internal battles of despair and doubt..she stumbled .

Stumbled upon the answer to the question she's been long awaiting her back turned from against the wall and she faced it ...

She had the power, she had the control, she had the wisdom, she grows .

She stepped backwards, still facing the wall .

Her heart quickens at the thought of what she might step into: puddles of faith, holes of joy and unbroken happiness she dug for, clouds of comfort ..

She stumbled .

Before taking that step she must face what's on that wall .

A mirror; A reflection of who she is and what she embraces; A reflection of her worth and how she shines; A reflection of her eager soul that cries; A reflection of..her.

The answer lied within her .

She spoke to the mirror and received no reply, and then it hit her: Make one with the Most High

For He is in every bone, every molecule, every blood vessel that runs through her veins. He knocks at the doors of her heart and she opened it with a crack, releasing a beam of light . She knows and she believes ... she opens the door wide.

She smiles and the heavens rejoiced for His child made it back home. Her throat loosens, and she begins to breathe..

Each day she continues to take a step backwards with growing faith and trust .

Each day she is reminded that she..is loved.

"Stand outside this evening. Look at the stars. Know that you are special and loved by the One who created them."

This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I haven't been really feeling the love from who I'm giving my love to.. Maybe I'm not doing enough.. So I'm left feeling like shit basically because of whatever circumstances that I am trying to understand. This has been eating me up the past couple weeks, and I don't know what to do.

Chill out? Leave it alone? Be assertive? Let it go?

I reaaaaaaaaally want to keep holding on, and I'll do my best. We are not obligated to each other I guess but I don't like feeling as if it's up in the air. My heart aches for his. What will it take.. Patience?

Complete 180.

dont EVER try to change who I am .

I will be ME regardless .

dont FORCE me to do anything .

let me BE .

i like doing stuff on my own time, which I guess could cause problems here and there.

However, I'm not rushing life . Just looking forward to it. Growth . Experience . =)

Appreciate Each Other. And let it be known.

Avoid assumptions.

Learn.

<3

Broken

Like the skin of a wound deepened by steady blows

Like the minds of the ignorant that will never understand our woes

Broken

Like the English I speak

Broken

Like a glass bottle tossed in the corners of the streets

Broken

Like the pipe connecting you and me..but look how it leaks.

The time to mend and build back what has been broken has far passed.

Look deep into the eyes of your brother, deep into the eyes of your sister..for a love..that will long last.

Broken

We shall not stand

Uplift each other with our spirits of compelling joy

And don't forget..the heart..is not a toy..to be left Broken.

Broken

Like the hands of man raising his hands to my mother's face

Broken

Like the crack of a bullet penetrating the soul...stealing life

Broken

Like the slashes and whips of beatings

Broken

Like my soul that urges to cry

Stand strong with compassion for life

Stand strong with love...for the Broken.

Heal with words of encouragement to beat the system of oppression

Heal with the heart of a thousand Saints

Broken

Like the e before the n

Broken

Like the spirits of many men

Broken

WE SHALL NOT STAND.

Uplift each other with our spirits of compelling joy

And remember..the heart..is not a toy..to be left Broken.

I miss the way he looks at me

I miss the way he holds me as he kiss my lips

I miss the way I lay comfortably on his chest

I miss the sound of his heartbeat

I miss the way we hold hands

I miss the way we walk towards each other

I miss the way I smile when we hug

I miss when holds me close as I sniff his face :)

2 days ago .. i miss u.

today.. i miss u.

I pray Lord that this is right because it sure feels right

I am entirely grateful for my Blessings and look forward to growing with both you guys.

It is so interesting that in the midst of all drama and negativity one can find joy . In whatever it may be that they value . While on the other hand, more negativity adds on to what was already central leading to one feeling overwhelmed .

God in Me

i love Him like i do

UCSD Disgusts Me...

I sometimes wonder...why the fuck am I here ..

But I DO HAVE A PURPOSE... to make a change.

(to be continued.)

More racist UCSD bullshit!

[PLEASE keep in mind that today, UCSD has about 200 Black students PERIOD.... out of about 20,000 undergrads. yes.......closer to 1% than 2%]



Invitation details for a WHITE frat's "celebration" of Black History Month:

Description
February marks a very important month in American society. No, i'm not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I'm talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.

For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey's, stuntin' up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks-Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes - they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red.
They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as "constipulated", or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as "hmmg!", or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises,grunts, and faces.
The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these "respectable" qualities throughout the day.

Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto.

We will be serving 40's, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank- which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered- or not.

Morning!!

Currently listening to: Indie Arie--Wings of Forgiveness. Good song to listen to in the morning... It puts me in a naturally good mood and encourages me to shake the burdens of yesterday cuz I'm blessed to see another day.

Chevelle ...

MANNN..how tight would it be if I owned this?!

:)

I'm happy. <3

Amazed ..

:) <-- What my heart is doing. < 3

I'm walking to class and a smile gently sweeps across my face

Just by the thought of someone caring and SHOWING that he cares about me.

It warms my corazon.

..... and makes my day that much better :)

I just feel really blessed and humbled for everything and everyone that's present in my life right now. I am all about growth and learning from each other and ourselves and just simply us being good to one another.

I can't say Thank you enough.
Thank you to those who came and left

Thank you those who are genuinely with me

Thanks in advance to those in the future of Chevy-Chev! :D

With that said, I had really good night tonight. Beyond cute! :) ahhhhh, I don't think I've ever blushed so much. I love when you can just be you around someone and don't care about the b.s. and enjoy each other's company. I feel so undeserving like why meeeeeeee but I am happy and thankful.

Anyways blogger heads. One Love. Keep the Peace. Lift as you climb. Happy Black History Month! <-- encourage and compliment each other Black folks! lol ( and others :) )

Goodnight.

Live it.

C-reate something exciting
H-ug often. Help Others.
E-xercise daily. Eat fresh foods.
V-ent. Visualize your dreams.
E-xercise daily. Eat fresh foods.

L-augh. Love. Learn to let go.

L-augh. Love. Learn to let go.

E-xercise daily. Eat fresh foods.

THIS totally embodies who I am. And what I need to work on :) So I guess I really need to work out since it insisted on telling me 3 times lol.

Find YOUR happiness.

Art Collective

Bomb ass group..allowing me to express myself, mainly through words

EXPECT GREAT THINGS.
<3

SOCC PERFORMANCE CUHHHHH

Trey Songz as my Inspiration...

I want a dude that will cherish me for who I am....

Not for who he WANTS me to be.

Someone who won't be selfish, pay attention to my needs as I will for his,
A mutual companionship.

I seem to run into the arms of the faulty, Run into the arms of those that just want that one thing

I ran, but now I'm out of breath.

It's now time to quench my thirst.
Quench me from mere lust into something that's ACTUALLY valuable
QUENCH ME from unexplainable desires and unforeseen hurt.

GIVE ME PATIENCE.

There are those moments where I wish I had a significant other, but then I don't so I can be free from the worries, free from the pain of what I THINK is love, free from expectations.

I find myself wanting what I can't have

.... then settling for less.

PROBLEM.

Since I haven't been dancing ...

I've found a new release:
The
...
Dun dun dunnnnn
-_-
Treadmill.

Untitled ..

People fall off. But it's up to me to stay strong. Writing this post is making me realize that, I am overlooking what the fuck matters. I am overlooking my blessings, I am overlooking what I already have to something that I don't need. But fuck, it's just there and idk what to do about it. As a result I stay in a sucky ass mood all day because of something that's brought to the light that was always at the back of my head.

I'm Alright.

But I'm not.

I have such a GREAT couple of friends in my life, but it's like I'm yearning for more instead of cherishing wat is, instead of cherishing and holding on to what's right there, I'm reaching for the unreachable (is what it seems). Then that just FUCKS ME OVER.

Fuck man.

Sometimes I don't know how I come off to people. (<--"people" : that's the fucking problem!). What about me? !

I want something good too. But that's where patience comes in. I am pretty sure I'm not lonely. And It's contradictory of my complicated self that I feel alone (but I say I WANT to be, and then I be like Oh I want somebody).

Thaa Fugg!? >:O

I was definitely NOT feeling today.
I was just tired of...nuthing really.
Just wasn't in the mood for shit.
I'm sooo glad I have my homie Taylor.
But everytime I'm around him I'm constantly reminded of what I dont wanna be reminded of..
Nevertheless his company is priceless..
I just want something good.
Something valuable.

"Something that ends so easily was obviously never real to begin with"
(via Isaiah C. Shelton)

SO I REAAAAAAAALLY want these damn shoes :(

$110

Man I think imma be bold as fuck and order these shits . owwwweeee . I should find better shit to spend my financial aid on lmao.


Update: so when i went to order these, they were sold outta my size. I was devastated . BUT...never give up the fight. I emailed them bitches and this what they said:

Hi Chevelle,

Unfortunately we are out of Kente Booties.

We will have size 37 in stock by the end of January.

We will update our webstore as soon as they arrive.

Thanks,

Aaron

Ahah I'm a BEAST !