12/12/09

Welp, today is 2 days from my big 18, but I don't have anything planned. I don't even have my hair done right now. But I'm tryna look on the brighter side and jus be thankful 4 life and where my place is 2day. Today I did hair, even tho I wasn't rly feeling like doing it at first. However, I am blessed and got paid $100 instead of $75. My client told me she rly appreciated it and that made ME feel appreciated. I am honored that I am able to make people feel better about themselves, have a higher self esteem, just throught my talent of braiding hair. Even though I didn't get my hair done 2day, I was still happy I got to please someone else.

As of lately, I've been trying to get right spiritually, and realize that there is way more to life than beating up myself on shit that don't even really matter. Years from now, I'll look and think, wow that was a waste of my time. However, NO REGRETS. All experiences are worth it for me growing into a better person everyday. We live and we learn. Emotionally I will still be scarred until I am exposed to greaterness, til I have my own, something good, something worthwhile. My client told me 2day, whenever I'm missing that Happiness, it's God that I'm missing. She told me to stay close 2 my Bible because that's where I'll find Peace. Those were some true words that I will take with me, forever basically. I've met soMe new church folks from this Christian group on campus that I plan on attending more often. It is always nice to find another family base to connect with, to keep me grounded, to make me feel appreciated.

I am REALLLLYY realizing how blessed I am evryday, and I think that's the first step towards me becoming happy with who I am and for me to not worry about the small stuff :-) The more I focus on myself, family, and getting to know God more, the less I think about insignificant things. Maybe that should be my New Years Resolution lol.

I will be 18 on Monday December 14. YAY ! Finallyyyy though. But no rush. By the time I blink imma be 30 and shit. NOT POPPIN` !. So I'm just trying to enjoy my time and rest of college years (going by hellllllllllaaaa quick smh)

My oppression statement.

I am underrepresented... but I still represent my race despite the consumed assumptions of inferiority. And I wont be shattered by those stares and feelings of not belonging, because I do have a place here. Deep from my pits I spit this shit cuuuz my mental thoughts over-power my physicality ... my hospitality shattered but .. I wont be battered. I just pick my self up and move on. I am excellent. I am worth more. Mi bettah dan dat .

EH .. !

Smh, so I'm sitting in this boring ass Comm class.. but I don't wanna leave because I'm thinking, fuck i had to pay for this shit... and OH shiT..its a class for my minor. lmao . who the fuck gives a lecture on games in a communications course about communication and the individual? Cmon son .. get the fuck outta here with that shit son.

ANYWAYS... this weekend is fuckin SOCC !! BEeyAtch ! I'm hella turnt and ready for that shit ! Art collective bout to RUN That shit Saturday 7pm . We have a BOMB ASS performance lined up and it encompasses many emotions, many identities, many souls fused into one. WE DA SHIT !

Re-CAP .

Soo this is what I had last night . Minus that white stuff . (P.S. I got this image from google so clear ur heads of that white stuff, which may be salt). I had like three shots plusss some Moscato and whatever else I was over there drinking. It takes 3 shots to fuck me up. So I was mos DeF mad turnt. HOWEVER, I didnt like the fact that some people were mad trippin out on me. I wont mention any names. LIKE WHat The FuCK dude. Do you have a fuckin prollem with me? So that made me irritated, didn't kill my buzz tho! ahha . FUCK YOU is all I had to say...that was just mad weird, like I might say something and they might look at me like "smh" or like I need to go somewhere. Get me? I wasn't feelin it .. SO I try to avoid shit like that before my mouth says something not very nice. Cuz I don't give a fuck when I'm turnt. AHA . I remember shit moving in slow motion. Fucking Julieanne was talking to me, she sounded like she was talkin to me from the end of a hallway and shit . Too funny . and weird. My head started spinning when I got home and I wasn't feeling too good. I tried laying down and closing my eyes, and that shit got worse lmao . So i went to get some water and was jus up for a lil bit, then I finally fell asleep. For some STRANGE ASS reason my ass woke up a like 6:30 am and I didnt even go to sleep til like after 2. WTF ? lol . I was mad at myself cuz I couldn't go back to sleep. FUCK .

ANYWAYS today is ART COLLECTIVE rehearsal at 12. I'm mad feeling that shit. Everybody is sooo talented. I wanna take a group photo. We're dope ! SOCC aka Students of Color Conference is this weekend and is our first big project...we'll be performing there Saturday 7 pm in PC . I'm excited for that shit. I need to memorize these lines. What IS it like?! lol . but yeahhh. I'm bout to be out for now. Later folks.

Convo b/w me and Taylor. I love his soul . Insight to how i feel.

cHevY 2hiGh 11:54 pm
lols
soo i think i have mood swings .
ahah
i feel weird .
T562Baller 11:55 pm
why
T562Baller 11:55 pm
whats wrong?
cHevY 2hiGh 11:57 pm
like i could be all happy and all over the place at one point and at the next i kinda dont wanna talk to anybody or like i isolate myself .
i do that ALOT .
T562Baller 11:57 pm
thats pretty weird
u gotta try to keep things constant
cHevY 2hiGh 11:58 pm
and i think thats hypocritical of me cuz i always say all i want for people to do is be consistent with me..when i cant even be consistent/constant with myself.
cHevY 2hiGh 12:01 am
get me ?
T562Baller 12:01 am
u gotta make sure you're good chevelle
like 4real
i worked on myself for a long time & i feel like im finally gettin it right
and it feels good
and u can definitely do the same thing for you
u just gotta want it
just thank that dude Jesus all the time
thats what i try to do
when im havin problems, when im good, when im sad, no matter what im bein thankful & im tryin my best to stay that way
it's all about effort
cHevY 2hiGh 12:03 am
yea but my conflict is, is that just the way I am and I should accept it ? or wat can be done? idk .. =/
T562Baller 12:04 am
dont accept any negative shit
that shit is not you
focus on what's going well in your life & hold on to it
and if there isnt anything, just know that it's gonna come to you
cHevY 2hiGh 12:05 am
okay ..
T562Baller 12:05 am
u gotta believe that it will, and sooner or later it will yo
you're a loving, caring, fun person chevelle
and i admire that about u
so just try to remember that u have an effect on everyone you interact with
cHevY 2hiGh 12:07 am
ur making me cry
T562Baller 12:07 am
lol
dont cryyyyy
be happy yo
cHevY 2hiGh 12:07 am
too late
T562Baller 12:07 am
i dont want u to cry! wtffff
cHevY 2hiGh 12:07 am
its not a bad thing.
im jus sensitive like that
T562Baller 12:08 am
oh
but yea man just be cool man
shit's gonna be alright
u just gotta know it
beyond all reason & understanding
EVERYTHING is gonna be alright
cHevY 2hiGh 12:09 am
:-) thanks

What I'm feeling.

Confused.

Irritated from being confused .

everybody go read this shit. i love real ass people

The homegirl Elize blog.

http://lifeofelize.blogspot.com/2009/11/so-this-may-seem-oxymoronic.html

TREY FUCKING SONGZ .

Fuckkkk ... I'm melting . Sooo fine. I AM SO JEALOUS !

Halloween Weekend.

WOWW this has been the most interesting weekend ever ! Loooads of funny shit . lmao .
So Friday I was jus being goofy with my lil cuzzins. Saturday I WASTED my whole fuckin day almost at the damn hair shop then my aunty didnt do my hair. GRR. So now I'm walkin around nappy headed. I'm bout to do this shit myself . WATCH. I'll keep you posted.

Anywaysss after that I went to rehearsal with kamara, met some kooool people. Koolest of all: Jakeem. He's gay and he kissed me ! Omg, it was soooooooo random and like outta nowhere lmfao. I love his life. He's the cutest shit everrrrr. Saturday night we dipped to West Hollywood to hit up this parade, which was like a freakin gay parade. All the BOMB ASS, FINE ASS dudes are gay =( man . What that leave me wit?? lol . FAWK . That shit was funny as fuck. I touched a Tranny's butt implants lmaoooo . I HAD TO ! I asked for permission and he/she was like "You can touch whaaateverrr you waaant" lmaooo. OMG I saw this one tranny in some TIGHT ASS coochie cutters and I kid u not his peng peng was hangin out the siiide .... ughhhhhhhhh I was highly disturbed smh lol.

Suuuundayyy I made some cheeeese doin haairr :D Cheaa ! Then went to a show at the Celebrity Center where the homies were performing at. It was koo. Some people did not need to be on that stage. Names shall be kept confidential lol. After, we went to this all gay kickback. Me and kamara were the only biologically proven females there lmao . SO we're in a group of grown ass gay ass men. THEY WERE KOO AS FUCK !! I had maaad fun with them. WHyyy the fuckkk were they sitting in a circle playing concentration lmao . "Concentration is the game, keep the rhythm, OR YO ASS GON HAVE TO DRINK" lmaoo . OMg, I would re-live that again ahhaha . Oh yes, they were alll black, except one. LOl. Most of them were sexy as fuckkkk, I had to say to myself man why are yu gayyyy lol. OVErALL my weekend was FUN AS FUCK. Now back to dry ass san diego =/

Hey hey HEY LA

I'm soo stoked I'm going home today with the beatiful Ladies Julieanne and Elize ! I won't be back until Monday morning, prolly taking the train back, its all good. I'm leaving my boyfriend (my laptop) so I won't have any internet access sooooooo until then, PEACE :D

Envision

My bestfriend KAMARA :D

Ride or Die muthafXckn beeeeetch ! ahah Til death do us part niggas !
Follow her on twitter.com/Kiimora hahaa
WE got maaaaaaaaad close since 9th grade. I actually knew OF her since i was in like 6th grade and she was in 7th grade, then I skipped a grade now we in the same grade. lmao. She thought I didnt like her smh . BUt Fuck wit us nowwww bitches ! I'll run a bitch over for her, im tryna get her to fight lmao . Get wit da chocolates !! ahah Love you Kamara !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Us in 9th grade. LMFAOOO . We thought we was pahpin !

10th grade:

11th grade:

Senior yr:

My Bestfriend Tray (1 of 2)

I LOVE the shit outta this foo... soo so so soooo dearly. He understands me completely. We've been close since 11th grade. Had fallouts, I'm glad to say that we are beyond that. We've grown so much and I love sitting back and watching him mature .. become a better person... he still has his bad habits .. but thats JUST TRAY lol. I can always talk to him about any fucking thing. It's ridiculous, and he tells me everything too. I just love him so freakin much, I hope to see him get married, have kids, be successful. I want to be there for him when he needs me, a friend. Okay that's it for now :) I love you Tray <3

Gettin his abercrombie and fitch on lmao .

Well well well...

I thought about the EX-FACTOR today. I'm not in a relationship or about to be in a relationship so this post is fine. I still care about his life. I doubt we're gonna get back together, he has some growing to do, no offense. We all have growing to do. Here's a old pic of the good ol days ahahha .

LMFAO ! This is GREaT.

Some other lil Jamaican girl ! ahahha

I miss this lil girl Ahahah

Kinda blurry, recorded from a sidekick. This is my lil cuzzin lol.

Reflection

Today was koo... it got awkward (to me) between me and this one person but it's just something Imma have to get used to. I dont wanna be fake, but then I dont wanna be mean. So imma just do me. After my encounter with the vendor lady (great way to start the day btw) I was just breezing through the couple of classes I had, then I had to like straight BULLSHIT my Communications homework assignment that was due at 7pm. 32 pages of reading? I dont think soooo.. On top of that I was in a meeting (for the Hughes Scholars Program) from 6-7pm so I was trying to work on that during the meeting. I ended up not submitting my assignment til like 7:30. Oh well, it was something. I was actually thinking of not doing it at all.

Now I'm home, chillin under my blanky :) Eating kettle corn, posted up on twitter <--Follow me. Aim and facebook, kinda bored too =/

White Vendor Lady

So today I approached the lady I mentioned in my post below..and of course she was white. I handed her the UCSD Principle of Community paper and said: "I would just like for u to read over this and please don't bring hate speeches on our campus". Then she went on to say how it wasn't a hate speech and she's a nice person and a "sweet piece of pudding" SMFH. Then she says it's America and she can say what she wants and "she's offended that we are offended that she offended us". So I said to her, you can't talk to a student on this campus like that because that's just wrong and inappropriate and she shouldn't take what happened with some high school kids and generalize the whole black race. I told her was ticked me off was when she said "I hope your race gets better". She said she's just telling the truth and that that's just a FACT. Woahh hold the fuckkkk up ladyy. Then she starts rambling talking about she's not black and she could never raise black kids and all this other bunch a bullshit.

She's basically playing the victim when she CLEARLY attacked the African American freshman student with her hate speech. I told her you can't talk to a student like that because how do you expect them to feel, and she says she's entitled to her own opinion and if she wanna say she despise black people she can, basically saying that would be OK. No the fuck it aint bitch. So I got really mad, but I contained myself. I told her please keep that off our campus and thanks for telling me her side of the story. I have witnesses to everything that went down, one an important person who was in charge of getting the vendors on library walk and my roomate was also there. The students of involvement coordinator told me they are trying to get her booth removed from campus and they'll make sure she does not sell anything on our campus from here on out. BUT as I was leaving class, her ass was still there. But I just walked right on pass. I felt like I took ACTION today. If anybody sees anything hate crimes or social injustice, please SPEAK UP !

So this is what the fuck I wake up to. Written by Fnann, a 3rd yr at UCSD. SMFH

Fellow UC San Diego Community Members,

I would like to bring to your attention a situation that occured yesterday Tuesday, 10/27 around 2:30pm on campus during the vendor fair on library walk.
Here is the testimony of a fellow student's encounter with a vendor:

"I was at venders market on campus looking at the various bracelets and necklaces at the “$2 for everything” booth, and about 6 to 7 African American high school students came and stole a bunch of the vender’s merchandise and walked away. After realizing the theft, the vender begins a conversation with me talking horribly about African Americans, mind you that I am African American myself. She begins by telling me that from the very second “those black kids” came to her booth, she knew they were going to steal from her. She says that every time she allows "those people" and "that race" to enter her shop they steal from her. The vender further elaborates her feelings and tells me that she can allow “20 Asians and 20 Mexicans” to be alone at her booth but if there are three blacks alone, every last one of them are going to steal from her. She also claims that "that race" is what makes "her race” racist again people. She goes on to say that soon she will not allow any "of those people" to shop at her store and that she is about ready to shave her head and paint a swastika sign on the back of it. So I drop what I was going to buy from the vender and I tell her "I hope your day gets better" she responds with "I hope your race gets better". Seriously broke my heart."

These actions and comments are not things a student on this campus or anywhere should ever have to hear or deal with, let alone a first year (from an already underrepresented mistreated group) in their first quarter of college. We are reporting this as hate speech, will be talking to those who organize the fair to make sure this lady is never allowed to come back and that vendors are also held accountable to UC San Diego's Principles of Community.

If you disagree with these comments and actions, as we do, we suggest you avoid her vendor booth and not support her booth, again her booth is located on library walk between the Chancellor Complex and the Career Services Center and is labeled "$2 Everything" (bracelets, earrrings, necklaces, etc.). We will also be dropping off a copy of the UC San Diego's Principles of Community at her booth later today, if you feel strongly on this issue we suggest you to also drop off a copy, or make a statement to her that you will not support her because of her racist comments, so she knows UC SAN DIEGO will not deal with that kind of treatment to our students on our campus! Please keep in mind that we do not want to harass the lady, just for her to understand that it was unacceptable and will be acted upon.

PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD.

We appreciate your support.
In solidarity,

Concerned Student

To follow up..

To go along with my first post ("SMH"), Rev Run could not have said it ANY BETTER.. this is exactly how I felt:

"Ppl treat u like u treat urself.. u'll get ONLY what u TRULY expect"

--Just thought I'd share that.

The Mind of Chevelle--Time for me to share some feelings/words/thoughts.

(Finding Inspiration) ..

Maybe I should turn from Lil Wayne.. k.
Song on replay: Drake--closer to my dreams

Balled up a knit of unsolved problems, untouched feelings, unforgiving promises...I stand
I'm working on myself right now, Constantly trying to be a better person everyday.
I must be emotionally weak, standing with what seems to an impermeable wall..but look closely..there are tiny holes ... holes that are open to love, sensitivity, joy .. tranquility.

I walk with my swag so high ... but my heart so low. . but still thumping on...striving for life .. seeking answers. It's never easy to keep treading on to what seems like never-ending, as if falling into a pit of darkness. To our eyes, this maybe what it seem like, but HE has a plan for each and everyone of us. Take life as it's given. Cherish that shit, live that shit, BE that shit. SHow life through your presence .. be there for someone else. Happiness cannot be achieved through solitude. We must stand in solidarity with one another.

BE CONSISTENT. I personally dont like "sometimish" people .. that just wanna pop in ur life then pop out as they please. It doesn't even have to be anything major u feels ? Just show some concern.

TO END: What moves you? Surround Yourself With Positive People. Tween out ALL that try to bring you down in life: mentally, socially, academically, physically, emotionally. All my BRuTHaz out there, you guys are tied to GREATNESS. Let no one take that from you. All mY SisTAhz, we are created for EXCELLENCE, and think NO LESS of yourselves. Be thankful for everything you have, for you never know what you have until it's missing. Appreciate all the blessings G0d has showered on you. Take some time to do self-reflection. Be aware. The vision of your future might be blurry, just know G0d has something in store for you.

--> I need to listen to ma own damn words.

Sip on this bowl of lyrics and melody.

Not all the words are correct, whoever who made this. All good though :) SING ALONG ! :D

I'm lovin it .

I've been CRAAAAAVING these muthafucks.

SMH ..

So I have not been having the best of .. ANYTHING actually. I keep putting myself in a position where I'm set for failure. I haven't been making wise decisions and I end up getting disappointed in each outcome. But who is to blame ? ME, of course.

I've come to realize that the arrows point toward me, I keep trying to bend them, turn them away, but they stand sturdy. Now i must be able to handle my own inner-self, find who I am, find what I'm worth, that way I can say FUCK YOU to everybody while still being receptive, still having an open mind and heart that I already do.

We must repeat to ourselves: "I AM SOMEBODY". Never lessen yourself to the feet of others, because its truly not worth that shit. I need to trust my instincts because the majority of the time I am right about certain situations but I let the "fun factor" and the "oh, what the fuck, why not" get the best of me. This goes back to me making the right decisions, even though it might not be pleasurable for the moment. So that's definitely something I'm gonna try and work on.